All the Clowns I've Received Since Starting This Blog

Y'all are seeing clowns everywhere JUST LIKE I SAID YOU WOULD.

When I started writing this silly little newsletter, I warned you that the clowns would always be watching.

I said you’d start seeing them behind you in the mirror. Beside you in the bathroom line. Way over there, in the crowd, in the smoke rings wafting over the dance floor. I meant for this to be intriguing, mysterious, even a little bit menacing. But because words are spells, and the one I’ve cast is coming true, I’m pleased to report that it’s literally happening.

Y’all are seeing clowns everywhere! And you’re alerting me! Thank you! I’m living for this reportage!

So, without further adieu, because it’s August and it’s very hot in the little room where I write this newsletter and I am thus reduced to nothing but absurdity and vibes, I present to you: some of the many clowns I’ve received from all of you over these last three months of The Clown Show. Thank you for your service.

Let us begin.

The clowns y’all send me break down into genres. Let’s go through them in an organized fashion, shall we?

Clowns You Can Own

Behold, this absolutely stellar collection of circus posters.

If anyone wants to buy me that Roberts Bros. poster, by the way, PLEASE. I know just where I’d hang him.

There’s also this jewelry set, which I admit isn’t exactly my style, but I love it anyway. I like my clowns, bigger, ya know? More terrifying. The makeup on these faces is perfection, though.

Now, THIS is what I’m talking about. These earrings would graze my shoulders. Lay ‘em on me.

CLOWN NAILS. This would be my dream manicure *if* my short little dyke nails could accommodate it. *Sigh.* A clown femme can dream.

Clown Trivia

Did you know that the first week of August is International Clown Week? Now, we all do!

Clown Memes

Oh my god so many clown memes. They’re all perfect.

It’s the Dadaist humor for me. Ever relevant in the absolutely absurd timeline we’re living in.

How much Gemini do you think I have in my chart? The answer is a lot.

This is actually Sasha Velour on RuPaul’s Drag Race season 9, please salute her!

Actual footage of me looking in the mirror every morning.

Chaos gremlin mode, activated.

I love “clown shoes” as an adjective. Perfection.

I’ll never look at a Target parking lot the same way again, tbh.

Random Clown Sightings

These are definitely my FAVORITE omg omg omg. Clowns in the wild and let me tell you, they are WILD.

This video is so worth the 20-seconds it takes for the clown to hit.

Then, there’s this Pennywise rendition a friend saw in a bar. (She writes about love addiction and romantic chaotic clown shit here!)

I love that he looks…three-dimensional? He’s about to walk off that canvas into your dreams.

This one is my all-time favorite: a friend saw this in a restaurant in Indianapolis. “In Memoriam”??? Of who!!!! We need to KNOW.

Clown Thoughts

Then, there are the random disclosures. The ideas that occur to y’all in the middle of the night. These light up my inbox and my mind disproportionally. KEEP ‘EM COMING, PALS.

Like, some of your parents are clowns??

WE NEED PHOTOS.

Also, iconic nightlife clown lore from the incomparable Pretty Lamé.

We need to know if the King’s jilted clown survived to tell the tale!!!!!!

This one’s sort of my own admission but…. I’m sorry these giant Converse sneakers that are in style right now are total clown shoes!!!!!

And finally, the pièce de resistance, the most iconic idea from Oden, my own personal court jester:

Thank you for going on this romp through the clown forest with me, friends!

For the last three years or so, clowns have been my own silly little niche interest. The more attention I pay to them, the more they show up. When I spot one, I feel like it’s one of my little way-finders, a traffic sign from the universe pointing me in the right direction. Follow the clowns, she says. I listen.

Now, it seems, many of you are on the journey with me. Welcome! I’m so glad you’re here.

So, tell me—when you spot a clown in the wild, what does it mean to you?

Ya know, now that they’re watching you and all.